Horny Japanese Zombie Death-Mummies (And the Women That Love Them)

This decomposing playboy, with his soggy skull, brittle palms, beady eyes and foul smelling gauze, continues to garner attention from affluent women around the world. Am I jealous? Yeah, right.

Little bastard.

Chillin' in Eden

At -32 C, Sick in Eden freezes along side cohorts, Nozomi (c) and Germaine (r) at Ice World, a local amusement attraction.

Ask the penguins.

The Count Sets Up Shop in Takasaki

Stretching With "Zidane-san"

With just momments before kick-off, little"Zidane-san" takes a few minites for quiet repose.

Sick In Eden: The Movie

Despite S.I.E.'s super hero status, he was no match for these fun-loving Japanese animae stars at a recent convention in Yokohama. Imagine hundreds of twittering and giggling Japanese girls in all manner of costume, running madly around taking each others picture. Surely, all the makings for an international blockbuster, right?

The Pitch:
Famed adventurer and incorrigible womanizer Sick in Eden tries in vain to rescue the kidnapped Princess Megumi. He fails because he can't muster adequate fire power against Takasaki's dueling evil overlords, Captain Stag and Diablow. Admitting defeat this time, Sick is humbly forced to take their pictures, silently vowing vengence for another day.

"It's a summer picture, Mr. Mamet"

Fishy, Baby

A surreal mikoshi celebrating goldfish and bedwetting?

I dunno. . . I forgot to ask.

Takasaki Imports Precious Metal

B. Sabbath, I. Maiden and D. Purple--all the usual suspects, hit Takasaki's local cinema art house last week. The documentary Metal: A Headbanger's Journey proved to be a scholarly dissertation on all the lucrative metals: Death, Speed, Thrash, Hollywood, Shock, Black, Progressive, Glam, Industrial, Goth, ???? That only covers the tip of the guitar's neck.

By the way, Ronnie J. Dio and the ever articulate (I'm not kidding) Dee Snider steal the show--ever metal's unsung heros.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0478209/

Suprisingly, 'Lawyer' Didn't Come Up
To those interested in hearing my teaching adventures, I got a good one. I play a game with my jr. high kids that involves them writing down a definition of a fairly complex word of my choosing. Then we all read the definitions aloud, trying to guess the best one that's closest to the real definition. I'm amazed at these kids. For the little English they know, they choose their words carefully, thus offering a blunt and succinct definition. I gave them 'vampire' to define. The winner, young Saki. She wrote:

vampire: (n)
"No light. I like red water. I like girls."

Shit! I'm a vampire.

Sick Is Sick

Sick in Eden, much like this tree, is sick. Literally. Came down with a head cold yesterday and can't shake it. I'm going to see a doctor today. Don't know what to expect from my first Japanese doctor visit: Bandages? Salsa bottle transfusions?

Mummy for a day.
Marvelous.

Crisp. Clear. Refreshing. Balloons.

Never had I taken a keener intrest in balloon art as when I made my pilgramage to the Sapporo Beer Museum.

Red Scared: Bicycle Politics

A scientist is well versed in science.
A musicologist studies music.
A "communist" is a Japanese bicycle commuter.

God, this is fun.

I Give You Tokyo.

Killing Them Softly . . .

A benevolent old timer in Ueno park unknowingly wreaks havoc upon Japan's eco-system by feeding Vienna Sausage Fingers to some turtles.

To blogger "mr. fade:"

I can't prove it, but these half shells are mutating on account of these Viennese "delicacies" you claim to like so much.

How 'bout it?

Seen Any Good Tapes, Lately?
Here at the Megru Parasitological Museum is the grandaddy of the museum's exhibit--an 8.8m long tapeworm. It was extracted from some blessed person and continues to occupy space in Tokyo.

Press Your Luck, Boys. Then Press it Some More.

At the Family Catch Center everyone's a winner. Can't sink your mechanical hooks into the sexy kewpie doll? No, problem. Serious gamers can cop a quick feel, err . . . I mean they can test for quality assurance outside for free with this mini-bust. Not being one to shy away from an adventure, S.I.E. also caressed the supple-- err, rather, I examined the "new soft material" of the doll's upper chest cavity for authenticity, and pressed onward...home that is.

Really.

Ueno's #1 Samurai

After a botched suicide of attempted disembowelment, Saigo Takamori is seen here walking his dog.

Long story short: he messed up.

S.T. loyally fought and supported the Meiji govt. and when the Meiji govt seized power it stripped most of the clout that the samurai community once had. So ashamed was our samurai over this fiasco, he tried to kill himself, but it didn't take.

A sad story, that I will humbly respect.

Potential Screen-Saver . . . Nixed.

Amid this idylic lake, lush vegatation now compliments this friggin' can some "taco" threw in.

Yeah, I said "taco."

One Tacos, Please.

When someone in Japan only wants one taco, they say tacos. Apparently, the Japanese imported the plural and left the singular back in Mexico. There is no singular form of taco here, only plural. Not realizing this, I asked my high school class to define a "taco" (singular). I was accosted with blank stares, for they only knew "tacos". After squeals and squawks of mental anguish: "huh, nani??" , "eh, nani??, they boldly ventured to write their definitions. These two made the most sense:


taco (n):
"It has ten foots"
"Someone who is not smart"

Classic.

Lions Don't Like it in Eden

Sick in Eden arousing tempers wherever he roams.

Must be doing something right.

"A Man's Got to Know
His Limitations"

Letting Inspector Callahan's philosophy ruminate for a bit, Sick in Eden realizes his own limitations, and jumps on the damn bike anyway.

The Chairman of Ueno

Strangely, people were clapping and taking pictures of this man, so I did, too.

I still don't get it.

Takasaki's Rockin' Penal System
In Takasaki exists an awesome blight: The Rock. The Japanese, enamored with Alcatraz's formidable style of correction and rehabilitation, have erected their own dastardly prison--a LOVE PRISON, that is!! This is so cool! This is yet another love hotel. Here, lust is the only crime commited by these ruthless inmates and punishable by even more lust.

Jailbreak, anyone?
Not on your life.

A Twisted Singer

Here, Dee Snider flourishes a fantastic solo career in Japan, this time for some disgruntled Jr. High kiddes.

Rest easy fellow metal-heads, "bad beau," "Mr. Fade" and Big Tony--I bought our tickets well in advance.

Can We Get Serious For A Momment?

Down over at Meiji-jingu temple in Harajuku is the biggest wooden torii in Japan (below). It's a replica that was built in 1975 in the style of the 1920 original. The wood, from Mt Tandai-san, Taiwan, is called "hinoki" ~Japanese Cypress and is 1,300 years old.

See, I can be serious when I want to.

Snake Oil! In A Vending Machine Near You

"Ladies 'n gents! Step right up! That's it, that's it, now--hey, don't crowd me kid, don't crowd me--enough for ever'body. Cold, refreshin' collagen, friends, step right up. Today only--you heard it right! Come one, come all--for the unbelievably low, low, low price of $ 3.00, you can feel years younger! Step right up..."

Collagen's wonderful and great, all. Rather wish you'd consult an M.D. or Mrs. Kid Rock before a vendy.

A Mini-Sage

This prophetic T-shirt is proof that eternal wisdom can either eminate from a lofty Buddist temple or trickle down to a woman in a mini.

I'm sold.

Discipline in Japan.



Nick-sensei's more apathetic students discovered loafing around school grounds. I've told Jounfa numerous times she can wear her pajamas to class, but only if she take off that ridiculous tiger hood.

No such luck with young Jounfa.

"For He's Gone and Married Yum-Yum..."

Here, a groom drifts in and out of consciousness, it seems, as his bride prepares for wedding pictures. This poor girl had three ladies tugging her sash, pulling her hair and prodding her ribs so as to look presentable for pictures. The big vaccuum cleaner you see is blowing cool air on our bride, as heat stroke is sure to set in.

Alas, no Mikado.

"Brightly Dawns Their Wedding Day..."

Here, Sick in Eden crashes one of two weddings in Meiji-Jingu shrine.

No Maid Service, Please

To those bloggers with an affinity for coquettish and alluring french maids with rugged square jaws, five o'clock shadow and no breasts--you owe me. Big time.

Seriously.

Condos 4 Sale

'Condomania' boasts a wide array of latex condiments for those with a discriminating sexual pallate. Not unlike Pep Boys' Manny, Moe and Jack's pledge to automotive quality, we can certanly revere Condomania's beacons of birth control: Lubey, Pokey and Ribber.

It's a wrap, guys!

Where's Suzy Q?

Japan's answer to Peggy Sue, Chantilly Lace, Lucille and Bony Marony. Here, the girls provide moral support to their rebel rousing boyfriends with a promise of celebratory cheeseburgers and a dash to the drive-in. Did you ever see a more adorable group of girls?

I thought not.

Here, new musical upstarts, Surgical Masks N' Camel Toe perform for the masses. I have the idea they're hiding behind those gnarly outfits, but I dont know what they have to be embarrassed about?

Can you tell me?

Ditch the 'Arms of Steel' DVD's and burn your L.A. Fitnesss membership. For ripped arms, come to Japan and hook up with this fine, handsome woman.

She may even let you borrow her flag.